define love & lust .

nobody knows what will happen tmr /

it's gonna be 11am in 10hours time,

he's gonna be off soon , gone for good.

just now during service , ah mah fainted.

why ?

i know he will suffer if he don't go ,

but i hate to see him leave me ,

not grabbing my hand anymore ,

i know i'm selfish think this way ,

i know he's with papa god now in a very peaceful place ,

but i want him back ,

i want to spend time with him ,

i want that gong gong that will ask me "eat alrd?"

i want him to sayang my head when i'm down or sick ,

i want him to bring me for supper ,

i want him to make nice tutu kueh for me ,

i want him to wake me up for school ,

i want him to nag at me when i bathe late at night ,

i want him to shield me from all problems and unhappiness ,

i want him to dote on me like he always do.

i haven cook him a proper & nice sunny side up ,

i haven bring him to the zoo ,

he haven taught me the recipe of our tutu kueh.

he haven celebrate my 16th birthday with me ,

and he'll never celebrate anymore birthday with me .

i want him back ,

i promise to cherish the time with him if everything could rewind .

papa god ,

you're mighty right ?

then please return my gong gong to me .

i need my mister nice nice gong gong ,

my ah mah needs him ,

everyone needs him.

standing by his coffin , talking to him yet no reply .

when i'm in the hospital beside him ,

his hand grabbing my hand tightly ,

i even dream about him taking off the oxygen mask ,

but now ,

he didn't appear anymore in my dream,

what i see now is a gong gong without temperature ,

handsomely dressed in suit ,

no longer responding to me.

after 11am ,

i can't even see him anymore ,

not even a body without temperature.

people always say ,

he'll live in our heart ,

he's with us .

but what i know is ,

he won't grab my hand anymore ,

he won't talk to me ,

i can't feel him ,

i can't attend to him anymore.

holding back tears , pretending to be alright .

laugh , mahjong , crap when the one who dote you the most left you .

how hard is that ?

no one understands .

no one know what i going through now .

i don't know how long can i hold ,

i don't what will happen next week ,

i want to forget about the pain in him ,

i want that gong gong who dotes me most.